Anxiety

Sitting. Just resting. But, there it is—that feeling. It buzzes just above the heart, whispering that something is wrong. Or will be wrong. Or has been wrong. Or might go wrong. Or…or…or…

When you have a nervous system that lives with anxiety, there does not need to be any truth connected to the buzzing. Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. It actually is not reality that needs to be addressed. It’s not even breath work (I know, I know…that is what we are always told to do, but hold on a second. Hear me out. Breath has a place, but it’s not FIRST. Not this time.)

See, that buzzing, it’s like a bored child. It’s restless. It remembers that the stress you function in is how you ARE, so when you aren’t…it starts it panic. You’re not at a familiar baseline. You are RESTING. And resting is the opposite of worrying. Anxiety doesn’t like that state. It’s too vulnerable. Sooooo, the body protects you by ramping up the cortisol back to its familiar stressed state, and the buzzing starts.

Now, the thoughts start. The fear. The doubt. The memories. The feeling of dread. The anxiety.

Breath work is the wrong entry for this state. It has a place, but not as a beginning action. We start FIRST, with movement. Strength. Action. We SWEAT. We WORK. We get ahead of the buzzing. The thoughts go to the back of the mind as the physical requirements we are allowing our body to go deeply into trump thought. In that state, we breathe because we must. Remembering to breathe…happens. We keep it steady, but it comes because your body must breathe to keep up. We work HARD, and the thoughts get lighter. The heart pumps joyfully instead of fearfully. We let our strength triumph over feeling weak and vulnerable. And then, finally, when we sit, tired and satisfied with the twists and the bends and the deepness of push, hold and reach and the depth of FIRE cultivated in the power of the hold of a posture designed to build heat…we settle into the gratitude of breath. Just in. And pause. Just out. And pause. In. Pause. Out. Pause. Expand the breath. In. Pause. Lengthen the exhale. Out. Pause. Find your heart. Go deeper. Pause. Breathe. Pause. Stillness. Pause. Gratitude. Pause. No thing. Pause. Smile. Pause.

if you move faster than your anxiety…it gives up, because baby, as that bead of sweat trickles down the small of your back, and the strength of your thighs just won’t quit, you’re body sees that you’ve GOT this.

Now, breathe. Now…be.